Let’s have a heart-to-heart, a chat, some real-talk.
I want to let you in on a little secret. Are you ready for it?
I don’t enjoy wedding planning.
Shock. Gasp. Horror. I know, I know. I am supposed to love this. I am supposed to find choosing all of these fun little details exhilarating and exciting. I am supposed to spend hours and hours looking on Pinterest to find all of the cute DIY projects we could create together. I am supposed to delight in this whole process because you only get to do this once/it’s your special day/it’s all about you/etc. etc.
But I really don’t and I think that’s okay. I am learning there is a lot of pressure in the wedding industry; there are so many decisions about the most insignificant details and we make these insignificant things far too significant. There is a lot of pressure to be this bright and bubbly bride-to-be who is so excited about choosing decorations and the perfect shoes etc etc…
Well, that’s just not me. People have been reminding me that “this is the day I’ve been dreaming of my whole life”… “since you were a little girl”… and are cautioning me from not working towards that dream. Friends, I have never had a set dream of what this day will look like. I haven’t had a dream dress or dream flowers or dream venue (well, I’ll be honest… for a long time, it was my dream that Leonardo DiCaprio would be the man waiting for me at the end of the aisle but that ship has sailed). And even if I did, just because I had that dream, that doesn’t mean I “deserve” that dream (though let’s be honest, Leo didn’t deserve me) or “need” to make that dream a reality. I am learning that there are a lot of expectations from OTHERS about what my dream day could or should be, rather than what my dream day could be.
I think we’ve bought into this lie that we need to have this elaborate, unrealistic day where nothing will go wrong and everything is thought-out and just-so and perfect and anything less than that is selling ourselves short. I just simply don’t agree. In fact, let me tell you what my dream day includes? The man I love and the people I love all together, celebrating, laughing, crying, dancing, partying the night away. That is my dream. Everything else is fleeting.
I am also learning that it is a pretty disgusting industry that asks a couple to spend a gross amount of money on one single day; a mortgage? a new car? tuition? On one day. Let that sink in.
Ramsey and I have made a very conscious choice to spend as little as possible on this day for a variety of reasons. Other than not wanting to buy into this idea that it is necessary to spend exuberant amounts of money on one day and wanting to be frugal and wise with our money, morally, I feel strongly opposed to this blatant idol we’ve created – consumerism at its finest. I am trying as best as I can to not buy into this. This means not spending thousands on a dress I will wear once and rather spending less than $200 on a worn-already dress (that I love, by the way). This means not spending loads of money on things that are not important to us, even if that disappoints others and their hopes for the day.
Now, some of you who are reading this are probably concerned about my mental health, my stress level, or perhaps worried that I am having a pre-wedding-nervous-breakdown. I promise, I am okay. I am doing just fine. I just needed to be honest.
A few final thoughts:
1. I wonder if the people that say they enjoy wedding planning are: crazy/in denial/not being real with others/not being real with themselves.
2. Please stop telling me to enjoy every moment of wedding planning. Maybe it’s okay that some of these details aren’t that fun. Please be okay that I am not super-excited all the time about all of these things. And please, stop sending me great Pinterest ideas. For the love of my sanity, please.
3. Please stop suggesting I splurge, spend more $, need certain things, etc. Trust that Ramsey and I have made a conscious budget and want to keep it. Please be okay with that.
4. Rid yourselves of your dreams and expectations for our special day. Trust us that we are going to make the things that matter to us a reality and that we will not “rob ourselves” of a particular experience or joy.
5. Please, I beg you, ask me about things other than the wedding. The wedding is just a small piece of my life. I am more than a bride-to-be. I am a teacher. A sister. A friend. Let me be those things as well.
6. Know that I write this not to vent. To be honest, I write this because I don’t think I am alone and maybe, if we could be more real with each other, we could ease the pressure off of each other. Maybe, another future bride will feel a little more “normal” and a little less alone when she finds she doesn’t enjoy the journey of wedding planning.
And now, the best part: let me tell you what I do enjoy. I enjoy dreaming of my forever with my forever love. I enjoy planning our future together. I enjoying imagining the adventures we will embark on together. I love all of these things. I am so lucky. I get to marry the man I love with all the people I love surrounding us. I get to do life with so many amazing people. I am so blessed. I am so excited for 120ish days from now when I get to say “I do”.
But friends, I don’t enjoy wedding planning and I am learning that that is okay.